Patik

hagbay ko na untang gikalimtan

ang sakit nga akong natagamtaman

niadtong hinahinay mong giukit

ang dagom sa akong panit

mapatik lamang nimo

ang imong ngalan

dinhi sa akong dughan

Hagbay ko na sad untang gikalimtan

Nga kalit ka lang nawagtang pagkahuman

Wala man lang ka nangutana

Kung pwede ba

Kung pwede ba kang mamisita

Sa laing balay

para mamatik ug dughan sa

lain nga babay

Imo ra kong gibyaan

samtang gahapdos pa ang akong dughan

Imo pa gyung giangkon ang tanan

Tanan nakong mga gipaningkamutan

Akong mga pangandoy ug katawa

akong hapsay nga panghunahuna

Ug ang mga tughay kong pang gabhion

Samtang kontento ra unta kong

magtan-aw niadto

sa kangitngit sa baybayon

Karon ania ka sa akong tugkaran

Nagluhod sa akong atubangan

Daghang pangutana ang midagan

Sa nagkayagaw kong hunahuna

Ug labaw sa tanan

Gusto tikang bawsan

Gusto tikang pasakitan

Himulbulan, patid-patiran

Patyun kung kinahanglan

Apan di ko ikalimod

Nga natulimbang gyud

ang akong kalibutan

sa imong wala'y

pagpananghid nga pagbalik

kay hinayhinay

mo na diay'ng gipangsubay

ang mga linya aning lubad nga patik

dinhi sa akong dughan

The Parable of the Occasional Drinker

I asked her if she drinks, she said 'occasionally'

She asked me the same question, I said 'everyday'

I saw her eyebrows cross in distaste

but before she could even open her mouth

to lecture me on my health

like everybody else I've met

I told her about the death row inmates in Japan

I told her that they have no idea when the date of their execution will be

so they wake up each day wondering

if that was the last time

they've ever opened their eyes

in the morning

I asked her to imagine that I was one of the inmates

The guards would walk in with the execution order right after breakfast

and when they stop at my door

my heart would pound as I hold my breath while looking down the floor

But the guards would move on

because they were looking for inmate 82

and I was inmate 62

And then I asked her

if she would give me an ice cold beer

for everytime I came out alive from that cold staredown with death

She said she would be obliged to serve everyone the first round for free

And then I said

Well, I'm a human being who has not committed any heinous crime but is sentenced to death anyway

We've had our names added on the death row list

before we were even born

which explains why we came out crying from our mothers' wombs

And nothing scares me more

than the thought that this could be the last ice cold beer I could ever hold

I think that's enough reason for me to drink everyday

She grabbed the bottle off my hand

and chugged the damn drink down her throat

-Manganese

Burnt Out Lies

You said 'perhaps in another lifetime'

To which I replied

'But we still have one ahead of us! How can you be sure it is not this time?'

You kept silent

and I waited

and waited

and waited

and waited

And I should have known sooner

that the silence

was your answer

I should have known when I felt

the cold wind brush against my face

when you used to be

a breath of warm fresh air

I should have known when I heard

the faltering echo of your voice slowly fading away

in the vastness of the grey sky

when they used to be so profound

singing to me love songs

and lullabies

I should have known when I saw the distance between us

by the way your eyes looked

away from mine

when they used to be fixed on me

and only me

even when I was away

I should have known when

you finally opened your mouth

And all I could smell were your

burnt-out lies

that knocked me off my balance

as if I just heard them for the first time

I should have known

that 'perhaps in another lifetime'

was your lazy excuse

of telling me

'You are not worth fighting for'

And I wish I knew how

to get rid of this unpleasant aftertaste

of that kiss we shared that night

that still somehow manage

to linger inside my mouth

-Manganese

God's Canvas Sheet

You spend too much time worrying 

You lose sleep spending your nights in your bedroom with only the light of your computer against your eyes

You miss your daughter's first school activity because come on, there are more important matters to attend to than those children dancing to silly songs, right?

You rush into coffee shops to get your double shot espresso lattes in to-go cups just so you can rush into another place where you can drink more bottled coffee behind your desk

You fail to look up and witness god's live painting of his masterpiece called the golden sky because you are too busy looking down your phone checking your list hoping you can squeeze in one more errand before going home

You go home to spend another night to finish some work just so you can make room for more work the next day

Oh look! You've reached your goal!

Congratulations! 

Here's a cup of self-satisfaction

Which probably wouldn't last you a week

So you find yourself working towards another goal

You miss more sleep

And miss more of your daughter's school activities

You drink more coffee but if it was to be taken away from you today and were asked to describe its smell,

I bet you wouldn't be able to because you've never had one that's not covered with plastic

Perfectly valid and understandable reason

We get it

You're working towards your dream

Your dream house, dream car, dream job, dream vacation

You're trying to push your way through the crowd to get to the finish line

Oh look! You've made it to the finish line!

You could hear the satisfying sound of the finish tape tear in half as you wave your hand up in joy

But you start to wonder why there was no one to greet you with a big gold medal

You waited and waited until you realize the painful truth

It's a dead end

You turn around but everyone is running towards your direction that it's impossible to get past them

You try to save them and say

'Hey guys, you better slow down a little because there's really nothing in here.'

But they couldn't hear you with the sound of their fingers smashing against their keyboards

So you sit there wishing

Wishing you had moved a little slower

Slow enough to feel your chest move up and down as you breathe and slowly drift into a good night sleep

Slow enough to notice that your coffee actually smells like rain falling on dry soil of a garden filled with berries and citruses

You squint your eyes to remember your daughter's face and wish you had missed that meeting and saw her dance in her cute little dress, even just for once

You find yourself willing to give everything just to live one more day to look up and see god's masterpiece

or even just his canvas sheet

And you find yourself wanting more

If only you could have one more lifetime to live

If only

Just one more

Rainy Day Promo

So the challenge was to write a poem selling any body part or organ that can be sold. This poem was inspired by Adonis Durado's poem 'For Sale' wherein he advertently sells his broken heart to his readers. Read his poem if you still haven't. Anyway, here's mine!

Rainy Day Sale

Eyes for sale. Buy one on a rainy day and get one for free! Eyes have an almost 180-degree angle of forward-facing horizontal field of view so that you may not miss out on anything that had already been laid out in front of you. Can detect about 10 million colors but their favorite is the color of your hair against the sun in the summer. May have seen a considerable amount of shit pile but each has a built-in autofocus on beautiful things i.e. your smile. May not be in a 20-20-vision condition but good enough to see your best version. Eyes may have the tendency to easily get distracted but could also easily get enchanted. May need to recharge 6-8 hours a night depending on the urgency of your plight. The price is your innocence which means you may never see the world that simply again but very negotiable depending on what the doctors recommend. Free installation if we have that connection. Please contact maluznakai@gmail.com for negotiation.

The Golden Hour

6:00 a.m.

It was her 28th birthday

She loaded the dirty laundry into a washing machine

and looked at the toilet that she needed to clean

She fixed her hair, she took a shower

without even looking at her own reflection on the mirror

She grabbed a cup of instant coffee

and gulped ounces of it to steer away the terror

She tossed the cup in the bin

but missed because her hands tremored

Time passed like light speed

And she saw the sun set as if fading away in retreat

Her eyes glanced out the window

With an almost unnoticeable sorrow

She comes home with her daughter sleeping in her bedroom

And on the sofa was her tired husband

still in his party clown costume

At the corner was the telephone with five voicemails from her mom

but she never found time to listen to her qualms

She goes to work the next morning

with layers of concealer under her eyes

and an almost unnoticeable wistful smile

One day she woke up and she was 70

Still doing the same laundry

Still drinking the same instant coffee

She looked at her daughter walk down the aisle

with her father who almost never smiles

She brought flowers to her mom's grave

Talked a little, but she couldn't hear her from the other side with the distorted soundwave

She still walks out her doorstep with the same shoes

Almost getting tired of hearing the same news

She still sees the sunset from that window

And she still looks out from them with the same almost unnoticeable sorrow

She woke up and she was 28 again

She started to make an effort to notice her face on the mirror

She took time to look at her mom and cheer her

She hugged her husband more and this time tighter

She sank her lips into her daughter's soft cheeks

And never dared to miss a moment when her innocent lips speaks

She walked out the door before the sun could set

to finally buy a new pair of shoes, they were red 

She walked the earth as if it were her first time

and she locked her gaze into the golden sunshine

Time passed and she's now 92

And on her deathbed, she said

'If there's one thing that sunsets had taught me,

It is that transitions can be beautiful too.'

Dear Humans.

Religion is neat. I have nothing against it at all. After all, it was Christian morality that formed my character, you know, the good old theological virtuesーfaith, hope, love. However, extremitism and all sorts of religious fanaticism destroyed the very core of what religion is all about. Religion coming from the words "re" which means "again" and "ligare" which means "to bind" supposed to bind us all again. Instead, it is starting to take the opposite route. In fact, it has always been a favorite source of conflict. It is causing us to fall apart as a lot of conflicts, wars, oppressions and persecutions come from the differing views on matters like religion. I understand that we all differ in beliefs. I, for one, believe that there is at least one diety and I believe that it is beyond my capability to truly know his identity. A lot of people may not agree but I'm a rational human being who knows better not to go on a killing spree just because these people disagree.

Bill Hicks once said, "Beliefs are neat. Cherish them. But don't share them like it's the truth."

I believe that everyone holds a different reality than others. I live in my own reality and you live in yours. Time had brought me here and different events in my life had shaped my philosophical views and religious beliefs. This is my reality. The things I experienced did not happen to you and I did not experience the things that happened to you either. We each stand from different perspectives. What is real to you might not be real to me and what is real to me might not be real to you but this doesn't make anything less real.

Our beliefs are made up of all the realities we have lived and these beliefs make up our existence. Mocking one's beliefs is like mocking one's existence. I understand where all these anger come from when one is being humiliated for his beliefs. It's like being treated less significant than the others. It's like questioning one's ability to perceive things. It's like a jab at one's self-esteem.

I am not saying we should kiss each others' ass. I am not saying that we must accept everything as truth. Of course, we can question the logical reason behind each belief but we must posses the motive of attaining deeper understanding for another person by looking at things from a different angle. It's always one's motive that makes or breaks a person's image. Did you ask to inquire or did you ask to reply?

If we could just drop all our claims of infallibility, believe me, if we just look at people closely and listen to what they have to say with an open mind, we will be astounded at how people are so profound at what they see and feel. The human mind will give us a teensy bit of idea of how endless our universe is and the human mind is only a tiny fraction of the universe! Hell, we may even have thousands of universe, a multiverse, if you would like to call it. But I digress.

You may ask what exactly my point is. Well, I don't have a point. This was not written to prove anything. This is an appeal to all rational beings out there. I am aware that there are countless of ideas that it is almost impossible to avoid any type of conflict but we must not forget that we are given the gift of rational thinking. So is it possible, by any chance, that we use this gift to decently and intelligently discuss an issue without subjecting one another to mockery? My answer is yes. Absolutely possible.

"You may say I'm a dreamer but I'm not the only one." -John Lennon

The First Year of Motherhood

For the first few months, Kye and I were essentially oneーhe goes wherever I go, he dances to whatever song I play, he eats whatever I eat, and he even sits quietly on my lap and listen to whatever book I read him. I don't know when it happened but he had fully become a new substance with his own ideas. He is starting to discover himself and is almost ready to take off in full throttle. He knows what he wants and is willing to do whatever it takes to get them. In short, he is a very strong-willed child.

It can get very difficult at times as he always want to take charge. He wants to see everything for himself and people like to call this experimental learning.

Don't get me wrong.

I am not against experimental learning. In fact, I believe first-hand experience is when you learn things best and not through someone else's biased perspective. However, I find that as a one-year old who just recently learned how to walk, the things he does could more often than not lead to accidents. I can only assume what is going inside his head and it probably goes like 'What is this thing?' 'What happens if I touch it?' 'Is the oven that mommy says is hot really hot?'

And it's cute because it means he is trying to learn by discovering new things on his own.

It's cute until he injures himself trying to reach for something that is off-limits.

So I tried to correct this problem by taking over. I tell him what to do and I expect him to obey. Unfortunately and obviously, it doesn't work. I would even consider it as the worst idea I've ever come up with because it just leads to so much frustration when he disobeys. And I think we all can agree that nothing good comes out of frustration.

So, after careful evaluation and reconsideration, I finally realized that I could be damaging his spirit by allowing myself to engage in power struggles with him.

Last night, I sat myself down to reasses my behavior as a parent and finally decided to set my main objective as Kye's mother and that is to tame his will without killing his spirit.

How do I do that?

I still do not know.

I have read a lot of parenting articles and ebooks that has some considerable amount of useful information that gets me nodding in agreement as I read but I can't seem to apply any of them when I am already subjected to a similar situation.

I guess every situation is different and thus requires a different approach.

I guess I will just freestyle my way out of this beautiful mess called motherhood.

Oh wait. There is no way out.🙈