Outside the awareness realm of the gravitational earth I'm now living, lies a confusion that transcends every form of physical and metaphysical notion. The explosions inside my stomach and the high-frequency pitch ringing inside my head have been a lot more distinct.
And you see, that's the problem.
They have grown more distinct and evident only from my own perspective, and you wouldn't be able to see the glaring truth that has been up your ass the whole time unless they wave their hand giving you the go sign.
Some of you might think I've lost it, when in fact I'VE SEEN IT.
Some of you might just wait.
But you see, that's the problem.
Because the go sign will never come.
No matter how long you wait. It will take a lot of your time and I might as well say infinity. And while you stand there waiting, the waves will take you to places you don't want to go.
There will be waiters bringing you food you didn't order and they will let you pay double if you decline. There will be more funerals than birth.
More autumn than spring.
But you see, that's the problem.
Just like how the universe is expanding, every atom of my brain has been expanding - without my consent. And whether I like it or not, I need to stick some kind of gravitational force inside my head. Sometimes I get hold of these forces. Some other days, I don't. The opposite forces pulling my whole being apart is just much too strong and I get blown up - BLOWN UP WITH MY OWN CONFUSION without the slightest trace of my existence as a human being.
But I get to be reborn with a system built with a stronger gravitational force against the opposite force that blew me up before.
It blows you up and it builds a strong defense after.
But the cycle never stops.
I am so afraid that one day I might not get to be reborn again.
If I could turn around and run, I would. Because honestly, it SCARES me.
I wish Truman Capote wrote about remedies for the mean reds. I've been having the damn thing for a few years now and hell, Holly Golightly was right. It definitely is very unpleasant.
♡Manganese
