To Leon

I had been in search for something profound

Something i could feel with my heart

Something i could see not with my eyes but through them

I had been in search for something big

Something my hands could hold on to

But not too big where it could easily slip

I had been in search for something new

I had been always moving and dancing and running

Even if it means running away

I had never been the one who sits calmly and wait

I had always been the one who kept people waiting but somehow

Somehow at this point, I can genuinely say

Without being naive that I can wait

Even if it means waiting through the long nights of winter

Along with my coffee table that sits by the window

Which makes a perfect contradiction with the busy cars running ten storeys down

These are my thoughts

Whenever i'm just sitting there

On that old wooden bench

Facing the lake blocked by tall bushes

With the light coming through

Painting beautiful silhouettes of trees

Trees that had lost their leaves

After autumn painted them red

And as I leave plunging my hands into the pockets of my black trench coat

I wonder how many more winters must I endure

And don't ever think it was easy

But I have to say

It is so hard to notice that it has been fifteen winters already when the world is this beautiful

So thank you

But I guess it's fair to say that you are waiting too

And so we are both waiting until fate takes over and allow me to be with you

I love you

Love,

Matilda

♡Manganese

Bullets May Turn To Stars

She saw the ashened look of the city lights and thought how incongruent it was with the living things that existed. It made her think that the gods who created them were impetuous, but the impetuousity was like the rivers; fully in control. She couldn't tell though which of the two was trying to obstruct, the city lights or the living things that existed? She suddenly thought of that man she met during her vacation. He told her calmly but vehemently, 'life is not a competition.' The words of that man, which she often consciously and unconsciously competed against was completely evoked. The moment she heard those words, she suddenly thought that maybe, maybe most of the people, if not all, were driven by their idiosyncratic belief of divinity. Though it was negatively drawed, she still thought that those people are far off better than herself. At least they have something to believe in. No matter what it is, even that one Nepali who never ate beef because he thinks that cows are the gods who created us, was far more better than her. She didn't have something to believe in. The books and poems she read, the words of the people she met, they are all void of meaning. What is left for her were questions. But she never stops searching. There was no time trip back to the place where the flowers bloom, but she thinks she can still make it. Bullets may turn to stars one day.

-Manganese